Archives for category: grief

Halloween Picture of my parents from a 1967.

The main themes in my life recently have been the understanding and letting go (or not) of attachments, mostly to things. Three years ago, I inherited the house my parents had lived in and loved for the last 35 years. It needed a lot of work, particularly dealing with water. If you dam water up it find another way to flow- emotions work the same way I think. Recently with the news in Sandy’s wake, we are well aware of what water can do!

I believe the house issues are in a stable state now but this exercise has showen me that taking care of the house and yard  really is more than I can physically (and financially) support. I have loved this house and all the happy and trying times spent here. My parents loved it and the 1/2 acre yard. Dad had fabulous plantings of organic vegtables and beautiful flowers. His beds were never straight but a labryinth of circles and curves. I have noted before that I believe my Father’s approach to rolling with life was “When in doubt, turn the compost.” The rabbits now have a warren where his compost used to be. Ten years ago when he passed, his friends planted a Magnolia tree in his memory because he always wanted one. Now it towers high, producing those creamy white fragrant blossoms. How do I leave Dad’s tree? Mom and I put his ashes around it  The reality of how little humans leave behind when they pass away- except stuff. Things my Mother treasured are of no real value or meaning to me- so do we continue to carry this stuff just because?

I have taken the path of sending the majority of belongings on to others through sale or donation. I have gotten to help some local charities I believe in which feels good. Like many of you I have seen my collection of books as friends that have been with me for years for reference or just seeing them reminds me of a lesson or event. My Father also collected books but his are cloth bond , old and fragile. Most I can’t sell for the price it would take to ship them. Again something treasured for years which has no tangible value.  So far I have invited friends to come and take books that interest them – about 15 boxes gone so far. Books have been the hardest so far.

Getting the house ready to show is an odd experience because I removed all the personal pictures and nick-nacks that litter my life. It looks like my house but different. well folks ending for today. I am glad to blog again. I have not even had time to read blogs and I miss the snapshots of other lives from the blogosphere.

OK –  the post has little to do with the 50 shades of grey book (which I haven’t read) but my last post was about blue eyes so I see a slight theme here. Useless knowledge from Google: At Pablo Picasso’s birth he did not breath and was declared dead. A short time later his cigar smoking uncle came to see the dead child and blew cigar smoke into his mouth. The child started breathing on his own. Although the literature says his blue period was about depression, I wonder about the influence or memory of anoxia -lack of oxygen which manifests as turning the person a blueish color. Just wondering.

 

The phone call we all dread will come
This time it was my turn to hear the news
A dear friend of mine had died
Riding the old pan-head he loved
I want to know “What were his last thoughts?”
I know that doesn’t matter now

He came to visit me 3 years ago
after 30 years apart
We had both grown, lived but changed perhaps
I saw the truck pull in and went to the porch
He got out and I knew him
He looked up, our eyes met and we both smiled from the heart.
It is that smile I remember this morning.

A blog-pal wrote about death this morning (it is Memorial Day weekend)
At the end she offered a free psychic reading
I  paused to see how that felt for me
The decision  was we had loved each other as we were
and had given each other the gift of nothing left unsaid.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 263 other followers