Attachment

Halloween Picture of my parents from a 1967.

The main themes in my life recently have been the understanding and letting go (or not) of attachments, mostly to things. Three years ago, I inherited the house my parents had lived in and loved for the last 35 years. It needed a lot of work, particularly dealing with water. If you dam water up it find another way to flow- emotions work the same way I think. Recently with the news in Sandy’s wake, we are well aware of what water can do!

I believe the house issues are in a stable state now but this exercise has showen me that taking care of the house and yard  really is more than I can physically (and financially) support. I have loved this house and all the happy and trying times spent here. My parents loved it and the 1/2 acre yard. Dad had fabulous plantings of organic vegtables and beautiful flowers. His beds were never straight but a labryinth of circles and curves. I have noted before that I believe my Father’s approach to rolling with life was “When in doubt, turn the compost.” The rabbits now have a warren where his compost used to be. Ten years ago when he passed, his friends planted a Magnolia tree in his memory because he always wanted one. Now it towers high, producing those creamy white fragrant blossoms. How do I leave Dad’s tree? Mom and I put his ashes around it  The reality of how little humans leave behind when they pass away- except stuff. Things my Mother treasured are of no real value or meaning to me- so do we continue to carry this stuff just because?

I have taken the path of sending the majority of belongings on to others through sale or donation. I have gotten to help some local charities I believe in which feels good. Like many of you I have seen my collection of books as friends that have been with me for years for reference or just seeing them reminds me of a lesson or event. My Father also collected books but his are cloth bond , old and fragile. Most I can’t sell for the price it would take to ship them. Again something treasured for years which has no tangible value.  So far I have invited friends to come and take books that interest them – about 15 boxes gone so far. Books have been the hardest so far.

Getting the house ready to show is an odd experience because I removed all the personal pictures and nick-nacks that litter my life. It looks like my house but different. well folks ending for today. I am glad to blog again. I have not even had time to read blogs and I miss the snapshots of other lives from the blogosphere.

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21 thoughts on “Attachment

  1. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I’m happy to have visited yours. It seems that most of our lives . . . we are either fighting to hold on or struggling to let go. Difficult times. Blessings to you, my new friend. A tender and honest writing. Nicely done. xoJulia

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  2. I have set up home 32 times in 42 years and have learned that it is a good idea not to be too attached to material things or situations. Nothing lasts in a material sense. Enjoy and move on.

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  3. As you have observed the energy has been intense lately. I, also, am not getting to read many posts. I am so glad I got to this one. It is potent and touches me deeply. I am in the same situation with my beautiful home and wonder at at our ability to maintain it physically and financially. We have it on the market but are not really committed to the sale yet. You pondering on what your loved ones valued and how intangible that becomes when the person who values it is no longer there. So little outlasts our life except the memories of the love shared. You have managed to build a great memorial to your parents and the love they have bequeathed you in the posts of your blog. I always feel not only what you value but the presence of your parents in your midst. May wonderful things come to you in the next phase of your life. xxx

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    • Thank you for your post, it was comforting and energzing that I am going in the right direction. An offer is supposedly coming but has been delayed- probably until I was ready. Planning on doing a release and closure smudging tonight. I have already dug and repoted two plants to take with me. We will see. I am ready to accept wonderful happenings for me and for you. M

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  4. Beautiful post. So, you’re moving south of Asheville near the French Broad. I hear that is a good area to live in. The picture of your parents is really cute. Sending Happy Days Ahead for you.

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  5. What a wonderful image and post… And I agree with Alastair! Even if you can’t take the tree per se, you can take part of it, in memory. Even a branch!

    Much luck to you; I know what a difficult and heartwrenching process this release can be…

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  6. I love the photo – it cracks me up! Your parents must have been fun people. I don’t envy you the purging of things – we had to do that when my husband’s mother passed a couple of years ago. My husband is the type who never gets rid of anything. I tell him all the time we need to get rid of some things, but he thinks that “the kids will want this stuff one day”. Um, no they probably won’t. Just a few mementos is all they really will want. My mother has that solved. Whenever I admire something that she has, she gives it to me now 🙂 In the past year she has given me a photo of her as a child that I love and a Russian belt buckle that was acquired from a guard at the wall for a carton of cigarettes during our stay in Berlin during the cold war.

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    • Thanks for your reply. My folks and their friends had costume parties every year. One halloween when it was at our house, my folks made a tunnel you had to crawl through to get in and sprinkled the bottom with peeled grapes. which feel like eyeballs apparently. I helped peel the grapes but we were never allowed at the parties. If your Mother has pictures of relatives, have her write their name and the approx date on the back. I have a box of pictures that no one living can identify.

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    • I thought of taking a blossom and drying it but they are gone for this year. I will take some earth from around the tree to repot a tiny bush I clipped and rooted from the gold dust bush.

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  7. Would you be able to take a part of the tree and replant it so you still have a part of the tree? That way, although you don’t have the original, you still have a part of it, of which your dad’s ashes would have soaked into. So he will always be in that tree and any part of it.

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